This weekend’s quote comes from Gretchen Rubin who wrote : "Never start a sentence with 'No Offense'.", in her book, The Happiness Project.

Just like the word, “BUT” it negates everything said in front of it, and is a super-quick way to crack any foundation of trust in teams and in conversation.

In my work as a team coach, supporting team members to be aware of not only what they are saying, but how it is perceived, is a large part of the discussion we have around feedback. While we can hear lots of great things about how to give and receive feedback, we need to get into the practice of it. I’m amazed that one of the most important things people remember or think they’ll use in the presentations I give on feedback is “Phrases to use and avoid”.
 
What are the common phrases and ways team members give feedback to each other? How well received is it?

As you think about your list of phrases to avoid, watch these words:

• No offense
  
• BUT
• You always
  

Enjoy your weekend,
Jennifer

This weekend's quote is all about communication and relationships.
Sumesh Nair writes "Many relationship problems are rooted in a communication breakdown. These can be as simple as not really hearing what the other person is saying, because we get caught up in our own fixed perspectives".

As you go to have conversations this week, notice how you are listening, and how open you are to hearing what the other person is.

In today's world where most professionals are rewarded for problem solving, finding a solution and/or advising, listening with an open ear to just listening is sometimes scarce.  Many times those we love just want to be heard, not fixed.

Enjoy your conversations this weekend,
Jennifer

Today’s quote comes from Peter Drucker who wrote “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said”. So much of communication is beyond the words we say. It’s the tone of voice we are using, what our body language says, and as Drucker notes, what is not being said.
Team leaders and team members today benefit when they have had a chance to think about where their communication skills can be strengthened. In my work as a team developer, I find many teams struggle with listening and asking questions. Asking questions to help move issues forward, rather than prove a point, or put someone on the spot.
This week I would encourage you to notice how you are listening. Are you spending time in your communications (big and small) listening to the tone, and how people are speaking. Are you noticing what is being left unsaid? Are you listening for the assumptions which may be being made (and may be incorrect)?
A major challenge in moving to more communication in the virtual realm is that we often default all communication to email– big issues, important issues, small issues and trivial ones. When we communicate by email and digitally, the nuances of communication are lost. We can’t hear the pace or pitch at which something was said? We can’t ask a question right away. We can’t check if one of our assumptions is right. Even communication by phone (rather than streaming video) makes communication harder. We lose the signals which occur through body language.
As you think about communication around issues which are very important for you, and the team, what channels are the best to communicate around? What do you want to be listening for? What isn’t being said?

This weekend's Teamwork Quote comes from Mark Sandborn who wrote: In teamwork, silence isn't golden, it's deadly".

A key skill for teams today is having difficult conversations, or courageous conversations. It's about contstructively challenging each other. When silence occurs teams may not be surfacing the issues that need to be discussed in order to move forward.

Earlier this week as part of the 20 Virtual and Remote ACtivities series I shared a couple of ways to surface difficult conversations and conflict in virtual teams. Helping teams become comfortable with addressing and raising issues is essential. This requires a level of trust and safety, and leaders have a responsibility to ensure this.

What do you note about the role of silence in  your team right now?

With best wishes,
Jennifer

Today's Effective Virtual Conversation Tip #9 is all about being an active listener rather than a passive listener. In the virtual space all members of calls and learning sessions are required to amp up their listening skills.

When we listen in the virtual space we may have mutliple layers of cues - voice only where we can only zoom into the words we  hear. In the voice only arena we may be listening for:
Pace- how fast the person is talking
Pitch - how high or low the person is talking
The words they are using

These three things give us a lot of data in terms of the other person we are communicating with Are they relaxed, stressed, in a rush, need to get a decision?

One thing that is missing in voice only virtual platforms is our ability to get visual cues, which usually account for a significant part of the meaning of a message according to different types of research. Without these visual cues (how someone is standing when they speak, or if they are smiling or frowning), we may fall into a couple of traps:

Making assumptions based on what we think - If I have had an experience of communicating with Mary who is usually in a rush, I may make an incorrect assumption without taking the time to listen that she is in a rush

Not checking for understanding. Communication is a two-way street. Did our message get through as intended? Take extra time in a virtual domain to check this out.

What we can do to enhance listening in the virtual space:

Prime people for listening - As virtual facilitators get people "primed" and ready for active listening. Remind people to note pace, pitch and word choice, while checking assumptions and checking for understanding.

Use video streaming facilities where possible - Seeing those we are communicating with. Seeing each other can boost connection and trust levels, two essential elements for great virtual conversations.

Spend more time focusing on listening and communication skills in general

What's going to boost your virtual conversations?

Have a great start to your week,
Jennifer

It's Friday and time for another Flashback Friday. This week I'm taking us back to #Teams365 #626, a post from September 2016. Even though things continue to change dramatically in some industries, one area which I continue to see leaders struggle with it Difficult Conversations. My post from 2016 highlighted several resources which leaders will find useful in their difficult conversations. Here's what I wrote in Teams365 #626:

If I were to identify one area earmarked as a "must have more of" from leaders it is resources and practice in holding difficult conversations. Consider your work right now, what difficult conversations are needed this week? Next week?

Newer leaders, and sometimes even very seasoned leaders, are uncomfortable and not confident in raising the issues that need to be raised. For those that are looking for more resources on this topic, I would encourage you to check out:

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Grenney, McMillian and Switzler

Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott

Thanks for the Feedback - the Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well - Douglas Stone and Shelia Heen

Difficult Conversations - How To Discuss What Matters Most - also by Doublas Stone

The Discomfort Zone - How Leaders Trun Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs - Marcia Reynolds

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​Whether I am working with new leaders, seasoned leaders or entire teams, it is likely that the topic of difficult conversations will be brought up, and the yearning to become more proficient in having them. 

​A couple of other resources which I also have been recommending lately are:

​Conversational Intelligence by Judith Glaser. Given my own recent professional development in this area, and appreciating the rich resource base Judith has drawn on in creating this work, I am weaving in CI-Q elements into both training and coaching initiatives for leaders and teams. Contact me for more information on how we can bring this into programs at your organization.

​I've also been reaching back to Steven Covey's Seminal work in the Seven Habits of Highly Effectivve People and a reminder of his principle of "seek first to understand and then be understood".

​What resources do you recommend around Difficult Conversations?

​Have a great weekend,
​Jennifer

​It's Friday and time to reach back to the vault of the more than 1200 posts here at the Teams365 blog. Today I chose to focus on the skill of empathy and am reaching back to Teams365 #812. Empathy is a core skill for all leaders, and also team members. Lately I have been undertaking many programs with teams and this topic has emerged as a growth area for most professionals. Here's what I wrote about Empathy, which was part of last year's series on the a-z of Virtual and Remote Team Leadership.

We are continuing with our a-z of Virtual and Remote Team Leadership. If you missed the first few you can catch up here. As we think about core "Essentials" for Virtual and Remote Team Leaders when we get to E what jumped into mind for me were two critical sets of skills - Empathy, and the  larger area of Emotional Intelligence.

Empathy is a key skill for team leaders today, especially if we are working remote and may not be present every day. It is important to recognize that the touchpoints you have with each person may seem augmented/expanded as they do not see you every day.

To empathize is to listen, and to be present for your team members. Notice your own defaults in terms of how you are available to different team members in different locations. To empathize does not always mean to agree or to solve a problem. Many times remote team members want to know that leaders are their and can hear their concerns. Asking remote team members questions which probe into their needs (is it to listen? Problem solve together? Brainstorm? Come up with options) and their recommendations is important.
Sometimes team members just need to talk through issues. In moving to a culture where team members are empowered, virtual team leaders must hone their skills in listening and asking questions. Questions should not be geared to immediately problem solve (for the leaders part) but rather to help the employee who is on the ground problem solve This may be done by asking question which help to expand awareness, challenge assumptions, make connections or facilitate action.

Another series of skills which are critical to virtual team leader success is in the area of Emotional Intelligence. In general, EI consists of more than twenty skills in the areas of relationship awareness, relationship management, self-awareness, and self-management. These skills range from optimism, to team leadership etc. Take a look at past posts around Emotional Intelligence

Questions to consider:
How empathetic are you?
How empathetic do your staff perceive you to be?
In upcoming conversations notice how present you are and what questions you are using to help boost awareness, and action on the art of your team members.
Take a look at the area of Emotional Intelligence. What skills are you strong in? What could benefit from some attention?

Have a great weekend,
​Jennifer

Today's team building tip is a reminder that when we are part of a team we don't need to go it alone. Having regular communication with our team mates about our work, our priorities, successes and challenges, makes teams really work.

​Today's team building tip gets you in dialogue about what is important for everyone on the team to know about your work.

​Spend a few minutes in your team meeting this week having everyone share one thing which is important for others to know.

Have a great Thursday,
​Jennifer